Have patience, have patience, don't be in such a hurry...

Life so often is steered by our knowing when to be patient and when to act. And while I feel I have learned this particular lesson repeatedly--both through being patient and through blind interference, I still haven't found a balanced combination. Each new situation demands a new level of commitment. Patience has never come easily to me. God has allowed for lots of patience-training over the last few years. Even though things happen that are difficult and painful, too hard to comprehend, I know and believe that God loves me and desires for me to give him my pain and confusion and rest in His arms. I know I'm supposed to hand my fears over to Him, and actively allow the future to unfold. Only then will I see all the beauty that comes from sorrow.

Yet here I am again, having to remind myself to not worry about anything, but to give thanks instead. So often I find myself close to tears, but then I remember that God has never failed me. And He never will. Even when life doesn't turn out how I expect or hope, I discover His plans are always more fulfilling anyway. Here I am again, listening. Waiting. Hoping. Not sitting idly by, but thoughtfully acting, not on impulse but on reflection. Trusting that, in time, I will see the blessings of this particular pain. And choosing to use this as a means for growth and learning. Praying that I will become more compassionate and patient, so that God can use me. No matter how this turns out. No matter what my future holds. I am blessed, the cup of my heart overflows with love and faithfullness for a God that is love and continues to be faithful to me.

May we all have the perseverance and courage to face whatever tomorrow holds. May our joy increase and run over.

Choose Wisely

Perhaps all battles truly take place internally. For surely, that is where everything is determined. Now, I'm certainly not saying that our actions have little importance. To the contrary--they play a very important role. Our external encounters reveal the outcomes of our inner conquests or coups, and often bring new conflicts from which our struggles derive. Still, all actions are intrinsic, stemming from a private decision or code (which itself arises from previous resolutions). Therefore, what we internalize, take in, and focus on truly does matter. Our thoughts matter. All of our largest (or smallest) and most important battles are with ourselves. We really are our worst enemy or greatest ally. The whole of who we are and how we live filters down to one thing: choices. Ours. So don't make excuses. Don't blame your attitude, actions, or animalistic nature on anything so abstract as this world or as concrete as another person. You decide who you are. Even in passing fault, you're still responsible for making that choice. And what a small horrid unhappy life you must live, letting others control you in such a way. Relinquishing so much power over to another human being. Allowing yourself to simply react instead of respond. What a lazy selfish way to live. You know the damage you create in the wake of your wrath or indifference, and yet you choose. Yes, you choose to live in such a manner. You have given up the internal debate and handed yourself over to an indulgent life. We can all see the private determinations of your heart through your ever-increasing reckless dealings. Yet the choice is yours to make. Choose wisely.

sometimes-illusions

I'm not paranoid, well, not mostly. I'm skeptical. And rightly so. This is an unpredictable world. People can't simply be trusted. Trust should be earned. Naivety and ignorance belong to those who freely hand out trust. Very few people are who they say they are, or who they seem to be. This is understandable--after all, very few people understand themselves well enough to know who they are. Even those of us who like to believe we are self-aware would be delusional if we presumed our perspectives whole and accurate. The most we can hope for is to comprehend some of our strengths and weaknesses, and perceive where our efforts for improvement will be most effective. Even then we conclude that we will, in all probability, not achieve our goal satisfactorily and will most likely affect other areas of ours or other peoples lives in ways we can't predict or prevent. But we do consider. And hopefully in these mental pauses we also recognize these same traits in the world around us. Hopefully we cautiously and confidently face the known and the unknown, taking realistic steps outward from ourselves, allowing our knowledge to deepen our appreciation for the complexities of life while still permitting and enabling ourselves to participate and engage with these sometimes-illusions surrounding us. This is yet another delicate balance, and I, for one, have never had much success with balance.