Four of Me

There's not just one of me. There are at least four...perhaps more...You know what I mean. There is the Me that always exists, the essence of who I am. This Me listens well, is organized, understands people, is compassionate, purposeful.

But then there is the more primitive Me--the one that appears with a threat. This second Me is the one made from survival. The one that always knows what to do...even if the more essentially Me does not. It runs more on instinct than rational thought. It is controlled and yet perhaps a bit unpredictable.

But both of these Me's are fairly reserved. Protective barriers in place about them. There is another, a less concerned Me--one that seems to experience joy without the accompanying fear or pain. This Me can be a little wild, free from the caution that retains the previous two. This is the Me that appears with only those closest friends. The Me that laughs openly, talks enthusiastically, smiles often, skips, holds hands, dances in the rain.

But they are also all Me. Just Me. Even if I wanted to become only one of them--I couldn't. And yet...maybe, just maybe they could be molded into one. But would I even want to if I could? I'm not sure. They each serve me well enough. Even those pieces I do not enjoy exist for a reason. Even when they fight and pull me apart internally, I still need each of them.

And what would the fourth Me do without the others? This Me is the one capable of weeping, the one who aches with every heart break, the one afraid to be alone. While it is the least seen of Me, and reasonably the most fragile, it's can also be the driving force of the group. This Me knows what has been, knows what can be, and pushes, yearns for a brighter future. The Me that acknowledges pain is also the Me truly able to value beauty, love.

Yes, there's not just one of me. There are at least four...perhaps more...